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The Lounge Lizard’s Compatibility Quiz

So you’ve been going out (or living in sin) with the lucky lady for two, maybe three years now?  And you are absolutely sure she’s the right one for you so you popped the big “M” question.  But during all of that time, more than likely the two of you have been behaving like Party Animals – lots of fun – lots of laughs – lots of sex – suggesting to you what you believe is absolute and undeniable compatibility.  But is that really true? Be assured - unless she is very unusual, she has ulterior motives for more “security” and has plans for how your marriage will work, and you could quickly be frustrated unless you agree on some ground rules.

 

Have you actually sat down and had a serious conversation with the little woman about what you both expect out of the marriage, or critical issues that will come up in your marriage?  Or are you a typical male who simply believes you will rule the roost after marriage, so that serious conversation isn’t necessary?  If you believe that, you are in for a rude awakening.  Even worse, are you afraid to ask some very pointed questions, because either it will start an argument or you may not like the answers you’ll get which may put a damper in your partnership?

 

What are a few of those critical questions you should ask?  Let’s examine a few important possibilities.  Do you both want children right away, or would you prefer to party and continue your triple daily dosage of sadomasochistic sex for five or ten years? But wait a minute, are you both capable of having children?  More importantly, do you both possess the same spiritual values or the same religious background and will you raise your children in those same values or is that a bone of contention?  Lets face it, your chances of a strong marriage are pretty poor when she is a devote Catholic and you attend weekly meetings of the Satanic Cult of Sodom and Gomorrah.

 

These are but a few samples of the critical issues that will make or break your marriage.

 

Be aware that after 5 or 10 years, many marriages become stale and boring and the two of you may likely just exist in the same household.  Your communications are relegated to petty conversation, but stop discussing critical issues because it just leads to a daylong argument.  “Why didn’t we discuss these matters before we tied the knot?” Well now you have a chance to do just that – one time - before you commit to a potential life in either Heaven or Hell.

Are You Worried About Your Wife Losing her Shape?

In addition to very basic compatibility issues, let’s look at an example of your reaction if your wife starts to pile on the pounds as she moves through life’s unkind cycle from a young filly to an old mare. If you really believe you are marrying a woman for her personality, sense of humor and intelligence, and you are not solely drawn to her large bust or that great ass, ask yourself the question, “Will she still appeal to me as much when she looks like her mother?  Oh my God! I’m afraid to think of that possibility!”

 

According to Weight Watchers:

 

·          When you meet and start dating, she’ll lose 8.5 pounds.

·          Once you develop a long-term relationship, she’ll gain 11 pounds.

·          After you propose, she’ll slim down again and lose 9 pounds.

·          Once she starts having kids, she’ll gain 16 pounds.

·          When the kids get older, she’ll experience midlife panic and will lose 16 pounds (but by then, you’ll probably be an avid golfer or find an exciting 21-year old).

 

But how often do we see fortyish men who physically appear to be in great shape, while their wife now looks like a pear with those saggy tits, ready for plucking.  Of course, let us not forget how often there’s also that handsome guy in his forties or fifties with the blubbering beer belly hanging over his pants while his wife still works like hell to keep up her appearance.  It works both ways, but women are smarter than men.  Many women don’t necessarily care if you lose your bodybuilder’s shape. She’s more concerned with your caring, your faithfulness and ability as a breadwinner, especially your faithfulness, another magical word in a women’s lexicon besides “relationship.” Most likely she didn’t marry Joe Breadwinner because he has great abs.  She married for more in-depth and intelligent reasons, like the bulge in his wallet and not the bulge in his pants.

Changing Sex Attitudes

You would not believe the number of men I have known who enjoyed marvelous sex during the dating and courtship period until the ring was on the little lady’s hand.

 

Overnight, the attitude changed.  Many men enjoy fellatio above all, and once they were married, the joy of that experience came crashing to a halt like it hit a brick wall, with wifey’s little explanation, “married women don’t do those dirty things. If you want that, find yourself a whore.”

10-Minute Compatibility Quiz

The Lounge Lizard’s Compatibility Quiz offers you an opportunity to size up your chances of a harmonious long-term marriage.  This quiz is not only applicable to engaged men, it applies to men married less than 10 years, as well as divorced men so they don’t make the same mistakes again and again as the Lounge Lizard has witnessed time and time again. It doesn’t apply to men married over 10 years, because, unless they’re blind, they should have learned the oft-painful truth of their situation, whether it’s good, bad or ugly.

Here’s how the quiz works.  It only takes a few minutes to take the quiz but the time you spend may save you from a fate worse than death.

 

Each of the 25 questions is worth from 1 to 4 points.  Read each question and then write the number that you believe best applies to your future (or existing) wife in the “Your Answer” column.  After you have answered all questions, simply add up your score and then compare it to the Lounge Lizard’s Analysis of your potential for a meaningful marriage.

 

Answer Explanation:

 

Agree = my fiancé (or wife) and I have discussed the issue and are in full agreement (4 points).

Not Sure = my fiancé (or wife) and I have had discussions on the subject, but I’m not sure specifically where she stands on the issue (3 points).

Haven’t Discussed = my fiancé (or wife) and I haven’t discussed the subject (2 points).

Disagree = my fiancé (or wife) and I have discussed the subject and are light years apart on the issue (1 point).

 

Question

Agree

Not Sure

Haven’t Discussed

Disagree

Your Answer

Compatibility Issues

Do you and your fiancé agree she will or won’t work after marriage?

4

3

2

1

 

Are you both of the same spiritual or religious beliefs?

4

3

2

1

 

Will your fiancé expect you to attend her church/participate in her religion to straighten out your woeful and sinful habits?

(If neither one of you are religious, give yourself 4 points.)

4

3

2

1

 

Will you have children immediately or wait a few years until you are financially stable?

4

3

2

1

 

What religion, if any, will you raise the kids?

4

3

2

1

 

Is your fiancé easy to talk to – can you have meaningful discussions without arguing (or must she ALWAYS have the last word.)

4

3

2

1

 

Do you and your fiancé share common interests, e.g., books, the theatre, education, sports, or will the two of you drift off in different directions?

4

3

2

1

 

Do you share common political goals?  For example, is she a liberal Democrat and you are a conservative Republican?

This can be very troublesome downstream.

4

3

2

1

 

Is upkeep and appearance of your personal belongings (like your house) more important than your leisure activities like attending football games or playing golf?

4

3

2

1

 

You and your fiancé agree that going into business for yourself (or both of you) is a great idea?

(If you have no self-employment plans, give yourself 4 points).

4

3

2

1

 

You and your fiancé agree that you need and should have space, e.g., you need lots of free time out with the “boys.”

4

3

2

1

 

You both agree that “faithfulness” is the most important ingredient in a successful marriage? (Or do you still think you will want to “play” after a few years of marriage when the sex becomes boring?)

4

3

2

1

 

Do you believe your fiancé is a very bright person?

 

4

3

2

1

 

MONEY ISSUES

 

 

 

 

 

Does your fiancé expect you to spend $10,000 on a set of engagement/wedding bands?

(Give yourself 4 points if this doesn’t apply)

4

3

2

1

 

Does your fiancé have a passion for spending every nickel of her income on new clothing, cosmetics or jewelry?

4

3

2

1

 

Do you agree that your limited money must go towards basic survival (including a few beers) and not on frills like clothing and jewelry?

4

3

2

1

 

Will you maintain a joint checking account or will you have separate checking accounts to deposit your paychecks? (This question can be critical)

4

3

2

1

 

Will your fiancé raise hell when you spend $1,000 on new golf clubs?

4

3

2

1

 

Do you and your fiancé share a common understanding of the value of money, or is she a spendthrift or do you spend money like a drunken sailor?

4

3

2

1

 

Do you and your fiancé agree that you should immediately buy a large house (McMansion) in the suburbs?

4

3

2

1

 

SEX ISSUES

 

 

 

 

 

You and your fiancé agree that sex is one of the most important parts of your marriage? (This question is REALLY important)

4

3

2

1

 

Do you expect your fiancé to always be available to you sexually regardless of other financial and social pressures that may exist?

4

3

2

1

 

If your fiancé decides she no longer wants sex or becomes ill, will this change your feelings towards her?

4

3

2

1

 

Will your fiancé still be sexually attractive to you when she looks like her mother?

4

3

2

1

 

If after ten or twenty years of marriage and a few kids, and your wife is no longer attractive; will you seek out a “Goomah” or girlfriend?

4

3

2

1

 

TOTAL SCORE:     

 

 

Lounge Lizard’s Analysis of Your Score

 

Score

What This Means

What You Should Do

25-35

You and your fiancé don’t have a chance of a successful marriage beyond 3-5 years.

Even if the sex is great during that period of time, you will soon resent her, and verbal arguments will likely occur more frequently as the marriage dives into a bottomless pit.

 

Run like hell.  Join the military.  Tell your fiancé that you are terminally ill with 12 incurable social diseases and there is no hope for recovery.

If you are already married, contact Tony Soprano.  Tell him your wife wants to sleep with the fishes, and you’ll be happy to pay him $10,000 to oblige her wishes.

35-50

What’s critical here is how did you answer the questions?  Did you choose “Haven’t Discussed” for 2 points for many of the answers?

This could be a major problem because you’re a typical male who doesn’t think beyond your next sexual encounter.

If you chose “Haven’t Discussed” for most of your answers, you had best have a long hard talk with your woman and attempt to get answers before it’s too late for you.

After your new talk regardless of how long it takes, get an eraser, wipe off your previous entries, and retake the quiz.  If you still score below 50, take a long hard look at the issues you disagree on.  How critical are these issues?

Don’t forget.  There are plenty of fish in the sea – don’t panic – there are at least 3 billion more prospects.

51-75

You are probably one of the luckier guys if you answered the quiz truthfully.

You have a good chance at a successful marriage, or are you a damned good liar?

Take a hard look at those questions that you answered “Not Sure” or “Haven’t Discussed.” 

Quietly have a long talk with your woman and find out how far apart you are on those few issues, because those few issues may be back breakers.

76-100

The results are marvelous.   You’ve found a winning situation.  Move up the wedding date.

Get the woman cloned.  Make 3 or 4 copies and dole them out to your friends. (You might want to clone a few sheep while you’re at it, just to be on the safe side.)