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The Mechanical Woman Enters the Battle of the Sexes
Are you
uncomfortable in the singles scene? Do you feel that you can’t compete with those
bruising hulks who always seem to monopolize every woman who rates above a
bowzer in the bar scene? Or perhaps you’re
fed up with dating every bimbo within 100 miles that stretches your hard
earned paycheck to the limit? Do you really
have any idea how much it costs you to get laid twice a month? The Lounge Lizard predicts that the dating scene and the
institution of marriage will become an endangered species because some very
smart entrepreneur is going to invent an “anatomically correct” computerized
female doll that will look, respond and most importantly FEEL like a real
woman. This doll will likely cost in the $20,000-$25,000 range but if
it is able to fulfill man’s wildest sexual fantasies it will be cheap if it
was ten times that price. Just picture the
huge smile on your face as you go down to GMAC to get the best terms to
finance your dream woman, in much the same way as when you bought your new
sports car. The marriage rate
will drop by 90 percent once men learn about this innovation. More importantly,
think about how much money you have wasted wining and dining the woman of
your dreams plus the thousands of dollars you have blown on women who only
interest you enough for a one-night stand? Those errors will
be a thing of the past. Now you will be able to go out with the boys,
seven days a week if you want, come home drunk as a skunk and at least the
fantasy of a raging erection, and your woman will be waiting for you in bed,
raring to go 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. How could you ask for a
better situation, being welcomed with, “Oh my darling, my loins have ached
for you in anticipation all night,” instead of the mandatory
snarling from your old hag of a wife, “Where have you been, you drunken
pig?” And you’ll get all this for a measly $25,000. Does that seem
expensive to you? How long have you gone out with your current
girlfriend. Let’s be honest. Think back. Remember how you
wanted to impress the hell out of her on those first few dates so you could
quickly get into her pants. How much did you spend, $500, $1,000,
$1,500? Remember that chauffeur-driven limo and the three-dozen
roses. But that’s just a drop in the bucket. If you think that
was a lot of money, just wait until you have that ring on your finger and the
one through your nose. Oh how you cried over that $150 bill for the
roses – for that much money you could have purchased at least 6 cases of
beer; something useful, something meaningful. Why you’ll make the $25,000
back in 12 to 18 months. Then all you’ll have is maintenance costs. Can you just
imagine when you can call up or even better order your Dream Women over the
Internet and receive delivery within 48 hours to satisfy all the guys at your
upcoming Sunday football get together?
That is, of course, if you want to share your new woman and perhaps
make a few bucks off of the arrangement.
What a perfect mix – football and sex at half time – men’s two most
cherished passions in life. Even if
you’re a dork, you’ll suddenly become the most popular guy in the neighborhood. The order form
for the Dream Woman will offer you a multitude of options. Do you want
your Dream Woman with large breasts? Do you want supple lips?
What color hair do you desire on top and on the bottom? Do you want your woman
with blue, green or gray eyes? Should she be rather demure or
extroverted with a sense of humor?
Simply order your Dream Woman directly from the factory – no hassle –
no waiting in line at the store. |
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Added BonusesEven better – you
need not worry about your dream woman getting pregnant or leaving you with a
nasty reminder of your encounter -- a social disease. Take your Dream Woman into the repair shop – in much the
same way as when you take your sports car in for routine maintenance.
The Dream Woman mechanics will check the computer system and make sure there
are plenty of lubricants – No WD-40 here - KY Jelly has worked for hundreds
of years. Susie, your Dream Woman is now good for another 10,000 miles
of satisfying your wildest sexual desires. And the best part is Susie will have interchangeable parts. What a larger bust or tighter vagina? Just take Susie in for a low cost complete makeover and you’ll be the most contented man on the planet. |
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